Colleague knows what you’re thinking. Yes, that lanyard would burn if you wrapped it around your penis

With attention spans burning 45 minutes into a two-hour restructure update, Martin O’Neill, Insights analyst, regarded Simon Briggs’ blank stare and wrapping his ID lanyard around his hand before considering the circumference of his penis by curling his fingers to his thumb.

Smarting from his stupor, Briggs startled at O’Neill’s knowing gaze, blinking hard before stuffing his lanyard back into his pocket.